The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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