i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
