I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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