I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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