its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
