he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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