i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
