Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
