you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i already hear my dad disowning me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
