I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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