My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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