What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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