moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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