me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
