I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
