Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
