nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
