Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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