Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
