Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
