I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
