Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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