Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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