Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
