Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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