At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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