fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
