Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
