maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
