After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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