There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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