I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
