Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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