I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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