Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
