Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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