the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
