so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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