You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
