Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
