I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
