Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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