If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
