Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
