this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
