Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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