I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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