Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
