I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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