1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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