I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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