i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
