Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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