Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
