My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
