Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
