Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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