You're my little dorito
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
