Dual....:-)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
