you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
