Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
