i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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