This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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