I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
