someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
