I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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