I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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